Friday, October 24, 2008

I'm over you .. and for that I feel giulty!

Do I miss you? Do I miss your love? Was I in real love? or have I lost the ability to love inside me?

All these are questions eating my brain alive. Every time I laugh, I see your face and I wonder.. am I betraying what we once had?
I talk about you and I get angry, puzzled and disappointed. Though I failed to understand why you did what you did, I still feel ...... for you.

Anyone can -correctly- fill in the blank;
Can we say pain? May be ..but I can't claim I do all the time.

I know my friends are helping.
I know I owe my masters a lot.

Why don't I miss you ?
Wasn't this love?
Was I lying to you? To myself?

I don't miss you ... I don't resent you
I don't want to see you.. I don't want not to see you

I NOTHING YOU! and for that I feel guilty !!

Do you want to know why? It's cause of how bad you hurt me. Yes!
Typical? I know... true though.

I can never forget how unhappy I was trying to please you when all what you did was asking for more and blaming me for not responding -gladly-!!

I will never forget how many times I couldn't find any loving piece inside you!

How can I forget the moments of despair..pain..tears..oh! a lot of tears!

How could you be this demanding.. How were you able to cut it that short this fast?

I felt something was sucking life out of me.

One day I got sick........what did you do? More demanding..more pain..more guilt!

Oh yea! It wasn't me who didn't love was you
It wasn't me who fooled was you!
It shouldn't be me who feels guilty! ..... No! I do feel guilty!

I am sorry I put my heart through your pain!

I am sorry I made my body suffer sickness and you at the same time!

I am sorry I allowed my pride being this hurt and I watched..silently!

I am sorry I took all this dissatisfaction and I took blame for them too!

I am sorry I hurt me .. I humiliated me..I degraded me .. .. when I loved you!

and for that I feel guilty!

What is it that I feel towards you? I would love to know. I feel something but I can't call it. I have no name for it.
I miss you and I resent you!!
I want to see and I don't want to see you!!

Yesterday I was somewhere we met before..... sad memory? No and Yes.
I told my friends .. we were here doing that. I even saw us and I couldn't say what I felt.
Simply cause I don't know what was that that we had.
I can't describe not having you cause I lost the definition of what was it when I had you.

I am confused, blurred and puzzled

and for that I feel guilty!

I guess I'm just over you...and for that I should not feel guilty

1 comment:

khokha said...