Tuesday, September 20, 2011

The Cave!!

“It’s nothing personal”
“It’s a cycle of intimacy”
“Men do need their cave time”
“Think of it as your time to do something for your own”

These are examples of phrases I read about this “cave” men just love to go to. I did my homework long time ago, read John Gray’s big cave theory, read about the rubber band men, practiced few exercises of having my own version of that as well, but I called it a bubble! Funny that I chose something colorful, transparent and smells nice!

The more funny thing is that when a woman is single, she does manage her single life really well. It’s either she is not happy about being single, and obsessed by finding a man; or she is OK with being single, having an OK – or even a happy – life of her own. Naturally when a woman finds a man and she is in a relationship, she is asked to let go her bubble, circle, fluffy sofa, or anything of that sort.
Most women gladly do.

Most of the articles I read about that, focus on how men desperately need that time to energize and re-fuel their emotions – if that actually has a meaning! –

But I hardly found one piece that highlights how women think of caves and cave men.

Let’s go basic here;

Why does a woman need a man? What would actually make a woman let go her neat, steady, normal, life to put up with a man? with his modes? needs? likes? dislikes? What would make a woman – just like any other human – actually try to work out a relationship?
Answer: Security of a continuous normal life, as constant as it could be.
What again? Security --- Constant --- Normal

In a woman’s world; everything has a reason, an emotional one. Getting close is a sign of likeness, pulling away is a sign of lack of interest and distance. Guess what; it is even in the words…. see: “AWAY” and “DISTANT”
Men on the other side have developed their own dictionary which is the reason they think unreasonable could be reasonable. Examples:
1-    We are having troubles = I am worried for both of us = I love you = can’t stand being around you now
I’m sorry … what???!!!
2-    Life sucks right now = can’t stand the world = feel so bad that I can’t make you happy = Can’t stand your voice
3-    I am so tired of the world = I will let you deal with yourself for a while = when I come back I’ll be so active = If you are mad at me for that, I’ll feel like I miss my cave!!!
Could someone find us a translator here? Or a psychologist for that matter?
Oh they found a bunch, and they agreed that it is just a “man thing”. Interestingly of course these psychologists were men!!!

Do you want to know how a woman think while a man is inside the cave?
Don’t be sorry, you just brought it to yourself!

-         Why is he doing this to me?
-         Is he thinking of breaking up with me?
-         Should I respect his wishes and let him be, or fight for him and don’t allow it?
-         But why doesn’t he want to talk to me?
-         Now we’re in trouble, who should I talk to?
-         So now, when we are having all these troubles, he decided to go there? What am I supposed to do? Isn’t he the man? Hasn’t he been saying he’ll handle hard times?
-         Should I be worried now about decisions? Am I supposed to put these troubles in some kind of a fridge till he comes out? Is he waiting for me to do something?
-         Is he even thinking about me now?
-         How could he be so harsh and can actually not talk to me in such bad times?
-         So what? You think it is up to you to just chose whenever you feel like pausing this relationship because you just waved with your cave sign?
-         Is this some kind of a threat? that you might need to go to your cave?
-         Why do you trust that every time you get out, I’ll be waiting?
-         Am I too available?
-         Are these women who say I should act “bitchy” right? Their men are always chasing them around, and they never feel left for any geographical metaphor
-         So now things are bad, I should deal alone? worry alone? comfort myself alone? Am I in a relationship to have to go through that again?
-         I was more capable and daring when troubles are in their way when I was single.
-         How was I dealing with that when it happened before when I was single?
-         Should I have like an emotional cushion to seek when he’s away?
-         I will not be subjected to that again. This time, I’ll “enjoy” life without him. In his face!!
-         I am a strong independent woman who can have a life for her own self needing no men!
-         I miss him, you’ll get over it. Be strong. Don’t show your weakness. Are you some kind of a coward woman or something?
-         He got out so soon? I was doing that thing that he doesn’t like but I do and stopped for him. Bummer!
-         Hey honey; when will you go to your cave so that I can enjoy life without all these things that I talked myself into accepting back then when I was madly in love with you?
-         Could any sane person just tell me why I should put up with all the hard work it takes to be in a relationship?
-         Single women are lucky! I have no idea why they feel bad. But eh; I have the status, the babies, the so-called family, and the thought-to-be life!
Problem with that, is that when women finally get cold towards men, men claim they don’t know why! A lot of men find it surprising that their women were “at some points” unfaithful! Other men complain that even though they dedicated all their lives to the families, they were unappreciated! And I love it when some men just go on and on about how women don’t respect the sacred value of privacy in marriage and they go spread their private matters to friends!

So she is not allowed to share with friends, go out anytime she wants wherever she feels like, talk with strangers? … problem is she needs to “vent”
And she is asked not to love him, need him, ask for him, want him, talk to him, for anything that doesn’t involve near-death emergencies?

I hope by that I explained “a bit” of how some women feel, and what they think, at the time men are in their caves.

Men need to regenerate whatever keeps them going. This is how they process. It is not an ongoing procedure to them.
Women are more of a plant creatures. Everything in them needs and takes time to grow. Good emotions, and bad ones too!

When a man unplugs himself to reboot and have a fresh start all over, a woman presses on pause, but her system takes few steps backward before moving anywhere. Women don’t forget because they need past on which a present can be based, and they need a present seeded, in order to have a substantial future in progress.Women all over the world are asked for maintenance, and for that they need to be marinated!

I am not asking men to stop going to their caves, nor am I saying women are insane for hating those caves. I am asking men to liberate a bit to troubles, and allow themselves to enjoy the fact that with women, somehow troubles could be embraced; for women have been well-known to do so.
And I am also reminding women that men are different creatures and their processes are separate. So long he is not abusing that place, let him enjoy it for a while. I wish I could have answers to what you should do if he decided to go there when there are troubles because I simply don’t know. Good thing we all can have our own blogs , right?!

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