The Choices We Make

It's a very well known fact that we pay for our choices and that no matter how hard we try to make it appear that we are in full control, still that part will have to pump. The "forced" part.. The tough one. And through these parts that our self courage and ability to fight for ourselves appear.
The reason I say this is that these days I'm being faced with some of the facts that I thought I'm fully aware of and prepared to face. Most of the time I used to think that I have my full plan with me and there can be no more surprises except for some unexpected events that must happen from time to time to every person. But the truth is it's not planned and I'm not fully prepared. It is as big as I expected and as tiring as I did but waay too much harder.
Am I going to be always ready? Am I always do it correctly? These questions are driving me crazy.
I'm not worried about today or tomorrow..It's the years to come that takes sleep from my eyes. "WHAT IF I AM COMPLETELY WRONG?"
But I don't feel wrong and I know I'm not. May be I won't be as strong as I am now ... all what I have is to pray

So dear GOD! May I remain as strong as I am now
I just wish I don't regret these days when I'm 40!!

That's what I'm becoming
I'm becoming the me that I want
I'm becoming the me that I hate !!

Never thought self training will actually do it.
Here I am .. as insensitive as I wished for myself.... but am I glad??
I'm no longer hurt .. I'm stronger .. I'm tougher ..


Wonderful!!!

يا عينى عليكى يا طيبة
لما بتضيعى منا
لما بنصحى نلاقينا
بقينا حد غيرنا

و فى عز الاحتياج
لحضن يضمنا
و فى عز الاشتياق
لحضن يضمنا
قادرين ازاى ندوس
على قلب حبنا
و بقينا ازاى كده

اجمل ما فينا قلب
اصبح حتة حجر
اتعلم الخيانة
و اللعب بالبشر

و مين اختارلنا
و احنا ازاى رضينا
نعيش وحوش فى غابة
و نقول مكتوب عليناا

و اه من يوم هييجى
مليان جرح و الم
هتدور الدايرة بينا
و هندفع التمن
و نصرخ مهما تصرخ
ولا حد هيسمعك
مفيش مركب هتقدر بالعمر ترجعك
و بقينا ازاى كده

These r not my words, these r the words of a very nice song by the Egyptian singer Amal Maher and the music is compsed by Yaser Abdel Rahman. I still dunnow who wrote it but i'll do isa and i'll mention it here.

I Believe!!

. I believe I deserve a miracle, only if I stop seeing it as a one!
. I believe we all are alone, only those who allow it, feel lonely!
. I believe the very high moments I have during surgery, deserves all the effort!
. I believe everyone can love, and anyone can be loved....but twice together? for the same person??
. I believe I can be a good 40 if I stop wasting my 30s on thinking of it!
. I believe we all become the best ourselves when we feel we don't have to!
. I believe I can accompany myself through it all!
. I believe a kid laugh in a day is more joy than I can ever dream of for myself!
. I believe every sad fearful moment I had in my life actually reminds me that my present pain will end... cause the space has to be emptied for new ones!
. I believe one can lead, but after spending sometime in following and spending some other time in being good at it!
. I believe everything doesn't have to be ok!
. I believe it's not about winning and loosing, it's about being smart enough to enjoy the game anyway!!
. I believe living without a child must be for a very good reason!!



To be continued