Monday, December 18, 2006

After looking at this image in the middle of an article about the power of Muslim brotherhood in the country and their undesirable influences on the masses - something that I myself agree with- .I got so furious for couple of seconds when I saw what's written as a proof of what they wanna say about the retarded face of human rights , then I got disgusted when I looked up and I saw what they use as "hijab" .... So mean btw. .

Then I started thinking ;
I can't agree that what these two women wear has anything to do what Islam asked the woman to wear - of course to how I comprehend it- , and yet No, I don't like it that
I refuse it when anyone who opposes the Muslim Brotherhood or any Islamic attitude uses Hijab as a symbol of "the violence of human rights " which is practiced by such structures as Muslim brotherhood.
I can't stand staying for 30 min with anyone who can represent or atleast supports those structures as I myself refuses almost every ideology on which thier whole existance depends!
I'm - proudly- veiled, but still I can't take it to stay in a mosque for half an hour!!

This is not only the case, For dozens of reasons I can't be categorized as a woman, Yet , if not for anything that I really despise at least for the biological reasons , I'm not a man.

This sense of individuality has been always a source of my internal power and sense of faith in both my self and my world .
But still, I've reached a point where I can't feel this "BELONGING" anywhere! I don't belong to any system, nor to any group of people. Is it because I gave myself the liberty to think,wonder and evaluate till I refused almost most of everything?? Am I to that extent a loner?

Mind the reasons, not meaning that trying to understand them isn't an issue that has to be discussed, but now the outcome is what really matters.
Here I am , someone who can be easily isolated from anywhere without feeling weird about it.
I can merge anywhere yet I hate everywhere !!

I have to admit it's something that gave my personality great deal of confidence, independence and security- as I'm the only source of reassurance for my own self". But still sometimes it makes me feel lonely to a silly extent. Believe it or not I pass through moments when I need to need someone. - Of course here comes the very ironic question"will you at least find her/him?" but sometimes needing what u can't get is so normal that u wish it for yourself!!

What to do? Can I claim for what I don't believe in to fit in? No .. not that I won't or that I don't accept, I simply can't

How do deal with libertarians when they attack my religion - which I refuse- using what wrongly thought to be regulations claimed by those who hired themselves as religion protectors - to which I object-?

How to deal with the stupidity and selfishness of men and with the negativity and psychological dependence of women?

OK! Skip those now, after all , who put me in the situation of humanity's lawyer? I believe in personal freedom with a very thin limitation guarded by the "overall interest" and so any one - including me - can do, say and believe in whatever he wishes. But, until now I'm the only one I know to have problems in fitting in community because of that.

I'm not making any sense and I will not.
It's cosmic conversation that I frequently have between me and myself that I know will not end - tell u the truth, I don't wish it ends;)-



WeO said...

Very touching ya Khokha I must say ..
Keep the fire burning

Anonymous said...

e32aly we 2e2LA3Y EL 7EGAB YA KHOKHA .....BADRY

khokha said...

we ba3deen ba2aaaaaaaaaa