The American Idol experience

For those who have no idea, "American Idol "like "So you think you can dance " is a TV show that's concerned with exploring talents in singing and dancing respectively from all over the globe and of course mainly the US, helping them to grow their abilities and making sure they take the first steps that can guarantee them a steady career.
The show starts as auditions session in almost every state choosing all the potential talents that indicate a possible star. Then they gather them in the camp-like studio where they are subjected to several kinds of tests concerning what could be required from them as singers or dancers till the judges choose their top 20 for the season.
After which, each week, the candidates have their own show then after the end of the episode the phone lines are kept open for 2 hours for ppl to vote which was their favourite. Of which the bottom three with the lowest percentage of votes are in the danger zone where the judges choose one of the three to go and leave the competition till they are top 10 where judges have no say in this and only the one with lowest votes will go and then the winner is declared.
i won't go into the details of the credibility of the show and the real amazing talents that these 2 shows present to us as you can easily know that by just trying to know who the winners are. You will be amazed by how successful they are now.

What I really wanna talk about, is the first steps, THE AUDISIONS, My god!! you can't imagine who lame they can be sometimes. As for the first show .. you can actually hear tone-deaf ppl, nasally deformed persons, and even ppl with shyness and attitude problems. Psychos..nuts..and even those who have no categorization!!
I'm not mocking people here, I'm just amazed by this human ability to "fool" thyself that someone can actually allow himself to enter a talent serious contest in something that any 3 years old can literally cry his tears from how bad his performance can reach!

Haven't you ever asked yourself if you do the same? Not necessarily in singing or dancing.. It can be anything you're involved in.


Then there's the second type of contestants, Those who are good but not good enough. They are "OK" but not a star material. I actually remember Simone Fuller - the very harsh and sometimes rude executive and judge- when he says this over and over; "You are as good as performing in front of your family, but people won't grab their phones to vote for you nor pay money to actually listen to you" or " You are no news" or " you are from the book".

Now ... here's the question; Have you ever asked yourself if you're actually as specially good as you think you are?

So we all can write, but how many of us whose words will really be read 20 ..50 ..100 years from now?
Many of us are thinkers .. rebellions .. and revolutionaries, but which one of us will change his own history with a step that can touch someones life and affect it?

I know glory as itself cannot be a goal for life. It's by how amazingly you alter in your life structure that history will mention your name - probably even years after your death- with great deal of appreciation.

But the idea that freaks me out and kept me from sleeping for 3 days now - as the last episode I watched was last Friday- is how can I know that I'm not fooling myself?
Is passion enough? or passion with hard work? or is it the real unconditoned beyond doubt faith that will motivate me every time I feel I need a push??
As much as I hate lying..I get disgusted by humans who lie to themselves. As much as I refuse fakeness, a fake soul makes my stomach butterflies urge to kick. As much as I believe in myself, I would love it if I made sure that I'm not fooling her nor feeding her false hopes or "just OK" talents. I believe each one of us has his "Star Material" potential. This area where his footsteps will be marked no matter how long time passes after.
It's ones own responsibility and ultimate search to find this sand on which his feet will mark and to choose the "how,when,why & where" he will take these steps.

So do you have any clues? Are you sure of them? How often do you allow your questions to pump? Do you answer them? Are you " Lame..just OK ..not star material..special"? Where are you in every little path that you took someday, wish to take, planning to, or even taking just right now?

Have you ever heard the sound of silence? It has a very scary sound that is not percieved by our ears but felt by our hearts.

She woke up after one of her sleepless almost fainting naps hearing nothing but the sound of silence.
Everyone told her it'll pass..this will get better by time and the pain will eventually fade away. She kept looking inside her soul for that road with no pain at its end. They told her we'r being given the pain we can take even when we don't believe so, so she searched her heart for that point that ached least till it hurted more. With her turning around, her eyes were trying to spot a place where light isn't stabbingly painfull..even oxygen irritated her lungs.

Suddenly she was no where, like a scene from a Sci-Fic movie, a circular creature with her at the centre taking everything around. She wasn't at the center of that circle, she was the circle itself...The void was growing eating the space. She was no where..she felt she's no one.

Her six senses were functioning normally conducting emptiness into her soul. Even tears at some point were useless as they are only helpful when there's a pain to express..her pain was above this threshold of expression. May be it was so painfull that all her sensations were eaten alive.

She sat..stood..drove or lied down trying hard to thinnk os something good in her life.. to remind of her eyes of a lovely scene ..her ears with a touching piece of music , and her soul of any left traces of a life was once in her body.

People kept telling her it'll go away.." You'll get stronger" they repeatedly said..."your eyes will pick only better colours, your ears will now taste more of what's expressive not describtive, and your heart will......."
"Will what???" She interrupted.. "will love again? laugh again? need again? wait again..bleed again..and ache again??"
Feeling her hearts deepest fear,she ran into it, hugged it and promised protection. At that point her eyes were washed..tears cleared the image, she now sees things more clearly and music even has a better impact..now she likes listening to what's only pure..the sound of the see, the giggle of a child.. Is her soul happier? She won't lie, she can't tell, but at least she knows now she can rest on her peaceful fluffy pad of "Equilibruim" and her heart smiled at the new hope of the pain going away. Now she can feel the pain, and now she can take it!